Build your own toolkit
Below, you can explore the various tools that you can use to help children manage their grief and trauma, hold on to memories and rebuild strength and trust.
You’ll find individual toolkit worksheets, or you can download the full toolkit guide in English.
While it was originally put together by those displaced by the war in Ukraine, the content can be adapted for any child impacted by separation, loss or bereavement.
Bear Us In Mind worked closely with The Naval Children’s Charity to create these tailored tools for children in military and naval families, experiencing feelings of separation. If you’re looking for tools specifically to support young people in naval families, please visit navalchildrenscharity.org.uk.
Worksheets and resources
Click on the language buttons below for the full set of downloadable worksheets.
Before you take part in any activities with a child please read the toolkit contents and guidelines and ensure you have watched the relevant videos for each tool. All the videos are available in English in the drop down sections below.
The videos are under 10 minutes each and will give you a solid base for ensuring the child receives compassionate and safe guidance.
About the tools
Click on the tools below for more details and videos in English.
-
Some memories are fantastic and spark joy, while others can be very difficult for a child to manage. Balancing the strong feelings of grief is also about balancing memories, so, while talking about a range of memories is often hard, a child’s memory muscle must be exercised and strengthened. This activity can help a child to understand that we can’t ignore the difficult stuff, nor can we let it dominate, and it will guide you in supporting a child as they think and talk about different types of memories.
The Little Box of BIG Thoughts is designed to help older children or adults have a conversation about someone who is important to them, or to help process thoughts and feelings about someone who has died. It can be used to show a young person that even though someone is no longer with them, their connection to that person remains. This tool will help by starting every sentence for the person you are supporting. It is simply a collection of sentence starters (in both Ukrainian and English), which they can finish on paper or say out loud to you, helping them to voice their feelings and memories as well as processing complex, commonly bottled-up emotions, such as anger, shame, survivor guilt or regret.
You can purchase your own Little Box of BIG thoughts through Priceless Treasures or alternatively download a free copy. These are currently only available in English and Ukrainian.
Faced with so much change and loss, a child may feel overwhelmed by their grief. This film describes how to use the worksheet My Family Tree and Me to help build resilience ,and activities to support a child to grow around their grief, not by ignoring it, but by looking at how they can begin rebuilding their lives while acknowledging what has happened.
Candles can inspire a sense of wonder and warmth for a child and remind them of happier and more peaceful times. It can be nice to use a scented candle which can generate new sensory associations. Whenever you use a candle, please be aware of where the child is at all times, and make sure they don’t touch or play with it. These boundaries are important, and you want them to feel and be safe. The inspirational phrase ‘There will be light, there will be hope’ was suggested by a young woman in a bunker during an air raid in Kyiv.
This activity is designed to help a child to see their unique identity. This creative worksheet by Laura Hambleton allows children to shape a conversation about how they want to be seen. The activity encourages children to choose their own favourite photos, or draw picture if they don’t have any photos, and turn them into an album. They’ll then be asked to write a sentence that describes each image - one that can capture the moment and any emotions it brings to the fore. This is not just restricted to family, as children might find their support circle extends to new friends, their host family or a supportive teacher. These albums will be a long-lasting reminder of lives old and new that they take into their future. Looking through photographs can be an emotional process, but it also helps strengthen our sense of identity and connection.
These activities represent the unity and strength of family, even when separated. You can use toys to encourage children to open up about how they are feeling as well as bringing them comfort and helping them to feel safe and secure. Soft toys can become trusted companions to children, helping them to manage fear and separation anxiety and to feel connected to people they care about.
Having one or two trusted friendships is a strong indicator for resilience in children. Children often love doing this simple yet impactful activity about friendship. Even a child who is less artistic can easily create a jar that they feel proud to retain. As they get lost in colouring the white salt you can talk about their friendships from home. A special bond will be established between you and the child as you understand more fully what friendship means to them.
This is a book written for children experiencing bereavement which adults may also find helpful to read. We recommend it to all users of the ‘Bear Us In Mind’ toolkit as it may help you to process any bereavements from your own life. It will also help you to step into the shoes of a child, and guide you both as you explore their own particular grief experience. You will need to try to understand the meaning of their relationship with the person who died and the circumstances and timings that surrounded the death. You also need to establish the child’s relationships with those who remain alive.
N.B. The toolkits have been compiled by qualified clinicians, but may be used by non-clinicians. As such, the toolkits are for guidance only and Bear Us In Mind does not take any responsibility in how the toolkits are used or the outcome.